Whole 30 day 12- I think? I’m not sure. I’m tired. Sore. Grumpy. Hungry. I want to EATTTTTTTTT.. With a capital E.A.T. I want to eat so much that my stomach rips open and a giant pizza baby pops out of it. I want to eat so much that I can’t move and I slightly slurr my words. I want to eat so much that I turn into the blueberry on Willy Wonka. Ya dig?
I’ve been here before. The skinny angel on one side and the big ol’ fatty McDaddy devil on the other. I think my whole life is comprised of these two warring forces. I don’t want to do my homework. I don’t want to take care of my children. I don’t want to be nice to my husband. And I don’t want to hear about the skinny person’s ability to eat whatever they want without getting fat. I think there is a level of hell for those people- one where they weigh 3,000 pounds and every overweight person that they have ever told “Oh, I never gain weight” or “I ate SO much last night!” stands around eating doughnuts while skinny minny continues to expand. Yup- that’s where I’m at today.
I’m a pretty good listener, too, but today I will not be so don’t complain to me. Usually I understand where someone is coming from, listen actively, make mental notes, and encourage. Today is not one of those days. Cause really? Your inability to lose weight is your own fault. It’s harsh. It’s mean. It’s truth. Our whole society tries to blame weight gain on something else- it’s your metabolism, it’s the food, it’s our busy lifestyles. That’s bull. It’s your choice. (I can say this, because I’ve been there- 220 aint no small woman. Truth)
We decide to become addicted to carbs. Sugars. GMO laden food. We decide that the withdrawal symptoms are “just too much to handle”. And then we complain when we get diabetes or heart disease or die at 50 or can’t fit into our pants because we didn’t feel the need to take control of our lives back when we should have. And I feel bad for these people. I really do. There is not judgment in cold, hard facts. They are what they are.
But every day is a choice. It is a CONSTANT battle for a foodie, such as myself. I kid you not. So please excuse me if sometimes others excuses just don’t gel well with me. I have to die to my gluttonous side every single day of my life. I’m not perfect, I mess up, I fall off the bandwagon and frolic down the street naked with my doughnut in one hand and my pizza in the other, but for the most part- I get my butt in gear and say “screw you!” to the food demons. Because I have to. This is not all about vanity. I have body goals, but for the most part I don’t want to be sick and dying at an early age. I want to live this life as healthy and clear headed as possible- and if you aren’t eating whole foods you aren’t clear headed. You really aren’t. You’re like a crack head who’s feigning for their next hit.
Take control of your food addicted ways- people. Google how to eat healthy. Find a few easy recipes that you can live on for a week and then supplement snacks with nuts, fruits, and veggies. Get off your addiction train- you deserve it you beautiful people. You totally do. And remind yourself that once you reach your goals, you will have many years to eat a cupcake if you want to. It’s not the end of the world, but indulging in that cupcake now could lead you down a crack-headed-living-on-the-streets-with-one-shoe-and-wiping-your- butt-with-leaves-because-your-poor street. (I realize being addicted to food isn’t the same as being a desolate crack head, but take the mental image for what it’s worth, k? k.)
So today- I struggle. More than most days. I complain. I get into the fetal position and cry. I look in the mirror and 500 pound sheniqua is looking back at me telling me to “just eat, gurl! You know you wanna. Once lil cookie won’t hurt…” I might be completely irrational to my husband when he gets home. But I keep on trucking. I deserve it. I deserve this. I deserve to see just exactly what this amazing body that the Lord gave me can really do- so get back you fat lil food demon- ripped and healthy angel is going to kick your butt!!!